VIETNAM CUSTOMS AND MORE

Upon meeting a person either in a business environment or at home it is customary to invite the guest for a cup of tea; to decline such an invitation is tantamount to an insult for if one does have time for tea then one has time for little else. Drink the tea and chat.

It is abhorrent to the Vietnamese to visit the inside of a pagoda with ones shoes on; this shows the greatest disrespect; shoes should be deposited at the door. It is further unthinkable to depart the pagoda without making an offering in the collection box; any sum will do. It is this box by which the pagoda supports itself. Likewise, visiting a pagoda or church in shorts, a t-shirt or a sleeveless shirt shows the greatest disrespect.

There is a sense of the individual which appears in the slow service, not so much because of the customer but because of the value with which the individual is held in Vietnamese society. There is also the sense of grace and serenity. As much as one could listen to the complete silence of a Chinese women washing dishes one could hear the service of the Vietnamese. It is something to be savored and enjoyed.

In the event of anger or embarrassment smiles hide the situation. If you become angry and receive smiles in return know that the best face is being put upon an already regretful situation.

Deprecating an individual in front of others will cause a loss of face and obviate any chance for the resolution of a dispute.

Showing anger is a sign of immaturity, a lack of grace and a strong indication of an unworthy upbringing. Dignity and face are maintained by demonstrating adult control over one's actions.

Age in Vietnam is highly respected; deference is always shown to one's elder. Anyone who is five-years older then you is your "elder," even if you are 70 and he is 75.

A gentle handshake is the appropriate manner of greeting; a firm handshake is considered disrespectful. When meeting people, especially older people, it is polite to remove one's hat and to indicate a bow; to not do so is considered rude.

Crossing one's legs when sitting is considered impolite as the soles of one's feet facing other people, or a sacred monument such as a statue of Buddha, is disrespectful.

Public displays of affection are considered extremely impolite.

Women in Vietnamese society are not docile, nor subservient, nor meek. The role of women in Vietnamese society is equal to that of men. But polite women never drink nor smoke; to do so indicates that one is probably a prostitute.

Family is at the vortex of every Vietnamese; to not have a family, or a small one, is considered pitiful. To be unmarried beyond the age of 30 for a man or 25 for a woman is considered very unlucky. Divorce is rare. You will be pitied if you are single.

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